


The Keys To A Relationship

by Achilles1011



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2131032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achilles1011/pseuds/Achilles1011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The key to any relationship is trust, understanding, and compromise. A series of interconnected oneshots telling the story of their relationship through memories, moments, and conversations and maybe, just maybe how they find their way back to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I. Lauren- Trust

_Trust has to be built again on both sides. You have to learn if - if we're even the same people we were. If you can fit in each other's lives._ – _Tara Maclay_

* * *

What am I doing?

I can feel the warmth of her breath against my lips. We're so close.

She pulls away. "This is crazy. Once I start feeding I can't stop!"

"Yes you can." I reply. "You just have to start believing it. You're ready Bo."

"Maybe some other time." She says before she gets up and begins to walk away. I look at her as she walks away.

I trust her. So why won't she trust herself?

* * *

I watch as she glances down at the necklace in her hand, her fist clenched around it before she looks back up at me, her eyes burning, alight with fiery anger, as well as shinning with tears of betrayal. I open my mouth; try to find the words to reason with her, anything I can say that will disarm her, that will stop her from rushing head long into battle, only to get herself killed.

Will cause me to lose her… I stop myself from finishing the thought, blinking as I watch her lift up the necklace, as she throws it at me.

"Don't forget your dog-collar." She spits back at me, her voice full of stinging venom.

I watch her, frozen in place as she walks out of the doorway and towards certain death.

I blink, my eyes moving rapidly as I try to speak, to yell out after her, but my voice is caught in my throat, a lump having risen up chocking me, chocking back my words as I tried to call out after her.

I curse myself, my actions, my stupid thoughtless actions, as well as the emotions rising up within me.

The pressure at the back of my throat and behind my eyes.

I want to cry.

And I want to laugh.

Now of all times I am allowing myself to feel this pain, this heartbreak.

I want to laugh at the absurdity of it all, that it took a _succubus_ of all people to make me feel again, to breathe life back into me, to break the cold barrier I had set about between myself and the world.

I had fallen in love with a succubus… no I have fallen in love with Bo, with a gorgeous, funny, amazing woman, whose only been good to me.

I look down at the necklace lying innocuously on the floor, the one that she had thrown back at me in a moment of hurt, of betrayal

I had broken the fragile trust between us. I had tried to protect her in one of the few ways that I could, but I had only ended up hurting her (hurting myself in the process).

I smile, laughing bitterly at wet tears fall down my cheeks, but as quickly as they start I close my eyes and wipe the tears away with my finger. Slowly I make my way over to where my clothes were piled together in a heap on the floor.

I may have hurt her, I may have betrayed her, I may have broken her trust in me but there are still things that I can do to stop this, to stop _her_ from dying because she overestimates her strength and underestimates her opponents.

She won't listen to me but she will listen to him.

* * *

"I need to know that is isn't about you getting over Dyson." I murmur as I pull back, my hand resting against the smooth, soft, skin of her neck.

Bo pulls back, and smiles a brilliant, beautiful smile, one that I've missed seeing on her lips. It is one that makes me want to smile at her in turn.

"No." She replies with conviction. "This is about us."

And that's all I need to let myself get closer to her, to press that first firm kiss to her lips as her hands travel to my waist, holding me in place as she begins to press kiss after kiss to my lips.

This time proceeds much more quickly then the first, weeks of tension that had built between us exploding in an all consuming passion as we reunited, exploring each other and becoming reacquainted with bodies, lusted after and desired, the subject of fantasies and dreams, our first encounter on repeat within our memories.

She has finally taken the last step to forgiving me, and as we settle, her arm around my waist, my back to her front I can't help but marvel at how well we fit together, at how right her arms feel wrapped around me.

That time I fall asleep with a smile on my lips, and for the first time in years a joyous tune in my heart.

But as always I know the illusion will be shattered when I awaken.

* * *

She places a box in front of me, the one that may contain the secret to freeing Nadia.

And I finally tell her the truth, trusting her to understand why I am with the Light, the reason that I have sacrificed everything (my life, my family, my career).

_She decides she wants to help me._

And I don't have the heart to tell her that even if Nadia is freed there is no guarantee that I will be freed in the way that she wants me to be (The very thing that I've become to afraid to try and grasp, despite the keys to my freedom being in my hand.)

* * *

Blue-eyes.

Blue chi from all over the room.

She's more then anything I could have ever guessed she was.

My heart pounds as I watch her break the collar, my eyes wide, but I can also feel the first hints of adrenaline appear in my blood.

I think for the first time I'm actually afraid of _her._

* * *

_The person you are now I absolutely love!_

I wish she would trust herself the way that I trust her. I wish she could see herself through my eyes.

I wish she could love herself, but then again who am I to talk when I still hate myself even after everything I've done to try and atone.

* * *

"Bo!" The both of us cry out as she falls to the ground, the darkness within her having lost the battle.

But it may not have lost the war.

What is she becoming? Can we even stop her?

* * *

Disbelief.

Disbelief and overwhelming happiness.

"Really?" I whisper, wondering. My voice cracking at the overwhelming mixture of emotions surging through me. I smile up at her, wondering if this was a joke that she was playing.

"I wanna give this a real shot. Be together. Life is too short" She replies, her voice the same as it always is when she makes a decisions (finally, finally!). It's firm. This is her choice, her destiny, this is the path she chooses in spit of everything that says this should be impossible, that she shouldn't want me, the fragile human lover.

I don't hesitate anymore, I reach up and grab her by the back of her neck as I crash her lips against mine, revealing in the feeling of kissing _my_ _girlfriend_.

This was all I wanted. This was all that I have wanted.

I celibate with the press of her mouth against mine, ignoring the voice in the back of my mind telling me that this isn't a good idea.

I don't know if it is or if it isn't, but I don't care anymore because I trust Bo, and I love her, and right now nothing else matters.

* * *

_Please say something._

I lean over and press my lips to hers.

It's the only thing I can do.

"If this is you angry then I need to tell you about the time I borrowed your favourite earnings and then lost one of them." She replies, trying desperately to deflect, to break the tension that surrounds us.

"Ahh..." Escapes me, as I breath, trying to control the tears in my eyes and the lump in the back of my throat, the painful beat of my heart under my breast as it slowly breaks at the breaking of the dam of denial that I had set up between myself and the knowledge.

I'm not enough for her.

I'll never be enough for her.

My heart aches, it feels as if it's breaking into a thousand pieces, but I can't let myself break down. This isn't her fault. It's mine. I should have known this would happen. I should have known that I wouldn't be enough to sustain a succubus.

I say the only thing I can. "I love you."

She smiles, a beautiful, brilliant smile, one that I would normally love so much, but right now it only makes my heart ache even more, and replies. "I love you too."

* * *

She holds me as we fall asleep that night, but after she drifts off I roll away, pulling on a robe as I get out of bed.

I close the door behind me and make my way down to the main floor, calmly, quietly so that if she wakes up I can tell her that I'm only getting a glass of water, that she can go back to sleep, it's okay I'll be up in a minute.

After a minute, after I'm sure she hasn't woken up and followed me I finally allow the tears to fall, the suppressed sob to escape from my lips.

* * *

Waiting...

Always waiting...

Always left behind.

* * *

I continue to talk with the man in front of me about free-radicals.

I... there's something that I can't quite put a name on. What is it?

Appreciated... I feel appreciated again.

I blink backs tears as for the millionth time my mind wanders. _Where are you Bo? You're the one whose supposed to be here, not this man._

I blink again with that thought. She's changed.

She really has changed.

And I'm beginning to wonder who she is. Do I even know my girlfriend anymore?

* * *

I blink, my mind blank as I watch her caress his cheek, the look of pure relief in her eyes as she stares back at me.

I close my eyes and swallow as I try not to feel my heart being slowly shredded apart by the knowledge of what I'm seeing.

If I don't let myself search, if I don't let myself see it then maybe I can be lost in the illusion that she still loves me, and wants to be with me, and _only_ me for a few seconds longer.

* * *

I'm loosing faith in her. I want to be with her, but it's so hard.

It hurts so much.

But I can't…

* * *

_Thwack!_

The sound replays in my mind over and over.

It felt good.

It felt so good to do that to her.

Because I don't want to believe her, I don't want to think about Bo kissing someone else for any reason, I can accept that she needs to feed.

But...

All I can do is focus on my breathing, on holding back the pressure forming in the back of my throat as I fight back tears.

She betrayed me again.

I can't do this anymore. It hurts so much.

It's all too much...

* * *

Her warmth around me, holding me close to her.

The only thing I've wanted through all of this.

But it's to late. I can't do this anymore.

I'm so tired. I'm just so tired.

I want to go back, to the first time I fell asleep in her arms, when it felt so good, it was so much simpler.

Back when I could believe in her, believe in a future for _us._

Now all I can think about is how broken I feel.

I love her. I will always love her.

But that isn't enough anymore.

I close my eyes and bury my face in her shoulder, holding back the tears that want to escape, reveling in the feeling of her body against mine because I'm going to give this up soon.

* * *

The door closes behind her, and the tears that I've held back escape, a sob leaving my mouth as I hunch over, my body wracked with pain as I begin to cry.

_Why...?_

* * *

He carried me home that night.

Maybe he isn't so bad after all...

But I wish it was Bo whose chest I was curled up against, not Dyson's...

But I can't trust myself to be alone with her. I can't trust _her_.

* * *

I look down at the drawer, the one that I placed the necklace in, hesitating, knowing that if I pull it out I will stop, I will stay, I will let myself be used and abused (broken), again.

I breathe closing my eyes as I try to regain control over my ragging emotions, over the overwhelming feelings.

I take a breath and steel myself, walking over to the entrance.

This is my chance to start over, away from everything.

Away from an aching heart, and shattered trust.

* * *

_I know you and I love you!_

No you don't. I've kept so much from you. When you find out who I am, you're going to hate me again, turn away from me.

It will be the Vex incident all over again.

Just another lie, just like all the others that have broken everything in between us.

* * *

It's time to set my plan in motion. It's my turn to save the world.

I can only hope that she will forgive me for hurting her, for betraying her again.

Maybe when all of this is over, we can settle down, we can talk, and maybe finally everything can be repaired.

* * *

I want to reach out, I want to call her back.

But I can't.

 _I_ have to do this.

Nothing's changed. I still feel the same way I did about her now and I did then.

But I still don't know what I can tell her and what I can't.

* * *

True love's kiss.

Who would have thought?

She brought me back.

Maybe there is still something there... maybe there is still a chance.

* * *

She wore it. That's all I need to see.

* * *

"No Bo. I'm yours." I tell her, a smile on my lips as I bid her farewell. I give her something to come back to, an incentive to survive when she may otherwise give up. It's a grand gesture, but one that is filled with truth.

I am hers. I will always be hers.

I love her unconditionally and irrevocably in a way that I have never loved another and never will love another. I am hers for as long as she will have me. I owe her so much, for teaching me how to be free, for reminding me of the person I once was, and for helping me along the way to the person that I've become.

It has a lot to do with her and her influence.

I am loyal to her, I will follow her anywhere and I will do whatever it takes to protect her and ensure that she lives to see another day, and to fight another battle, even if it means betraying her again and again, hurting her to keep her alive.

"I'm going to stay behind." I say. "Evony's stable but you know Hippocratic Oath and all that."

"Shit you're serious." She replies, in a voice that I can't tell if it's disbelief, disappointment, or perhaps a tone that I haven't heard from her in a long time, understanding. But there's still a question in her eyes that I want to answer.

"Well she's all vulnerable and human… and I'm kinda the one who did this to her so…" I trail off, trying to find more words to explain to her the reason that I'm staying behind.

But something happens, an expression that I haven't seen in nearly a year. A genuine smile, an understanding smile, as she replies. "The craziest thing is that I get that."

I don't know what's provoked the sudden change in behaviour, but all I can do is smile in return at the old Bo's reappearance, and the woman I love beginning to reassert herself. There's only one thing left to do now, set her free. "Go on succubus, get out of here, destiny's calling."

She audibly inhales, hesitating for only a moment before she turns around and begins to walk away. I can't help but watch her, a proud smile on my lips. This is the woman I love, the woman I recognize, the human and the Fae come together.

And I will wait for her to return to me, and maybe when this is all over there will be a chance for us to finally have that talk.

Bo suddenly stops for a moment, hesitating before she turns around, and dashes back to me, her hands my cheeks before she smashes our lips together in a kiss full of meaning, of words unspoken, meanings and emotions that jumble together in a tangle that makes meaning ambiguous and emotions unintelligible.

She pulls back, her fingers brushing against my chin momentarily before she retreats completely, turning her back to me once again, and walking away from me and towards her destiny.

Now all I can do is wait and keep myself calm as emotions surge through me. Love, hope, sadness, want, happiness, and worry, the biggest one right now is probably worry.

I want her to come back to me, and I can't help but feel my feeling of worry that this isn't going to turn out well, and that when the dust settles nothing will be the same for any of us.

For know all I can do is wait here, safe and away from the battle, putting up with the newly human Morrigan.

All I can do is wait for her to return.

If you love someone set them free, and if they come back they're yours.

Bo knows that I'm hers, but the question know is will she ever be mine? And even if we can, even if it's possible for us to repair our relationship, can I trust her again?

I can hear an indignant squawk coming from inside the shack, pulling me out of my trance.

And even as I make my way back towards the place to try and get Evony out of whatever trouble she had managed to get herself into I can't help but listen to the echo of my heart inside my mind. The part of me that already knows the answer to the question that I've posed.

Whether I like it or not I trust Bo, because somehow we skipped the repair stage, and now we're back in our holding pattern.

The ball is in her court now, but I will also no longer wait in the wings.

* * *


	2. II. Bo: Understanding

_The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen._ – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

* * *

"Whatcha reading?" I hear Kenzi calls out, and before I can even look up from my book she had already crossed my room and has begun to crawl across the bed towards me. She quickly settles down next to me before she plucks the book out of my hands before I can even protest. She takes one look at the cover before she sighs and shakes her head, turning the beaten up cover towards me. "Again BoBo?"

I shrug not sure what to say, I have my reasons for reading the book again, are they really anyone's business but my own?

Kenzi gives me a pointed look before she tosses the thing over her shoulder. "You don't have to be happy and single BoBo, you're the queen! You can have anyone you want!"

I close my eyes as I let my head fall back against the pillow. The problem wasn't that I didn't want anyone, it is that I know who I want, I just can't make a choice between them, something that's unfair to both of them. "It's better off that I learn how to be happy in single-hood. I don't think succubi are meant for relationships."

"What happened to the whole I will chose my own path, screw destiny and screw biology?" Kenzi asks as she pokes me in the side, trying to get me to turn towards her. I close my eyes, and shake my head.

"It's not about _me_ anymore Kenz… it's about the entire world of the Fae! I mean how am I even supposed to be queen when I can't even keep my love-life on track?" I say as I turn towards Kenzi, her eyes are warm, and full of the same mirth that they always are, or at least they have been for the last little while, since everything ended. "I'm better off surrounded by friends and family, keeping my feeds feeds, and not trying to worry about love on top of everything else."

"So the self-help book came out again?" She asks, a teasing smile brewing just below the surface as her hands begin to inch closer to me. "Am I going to have to poke you with a sausage again? Because I think we have one in the fridge somewhere…"

"No!" I yell out, shifting around to tackle her and pin her to the bed, but instead my leg slides out from under me, and after hanging in the air for a second, my right hand gives out and sends me falling to the ground as I claw at the sheets on my bed uselessly.

I land hard on my back, the air knocked out of my lungs as my head slams back into the ground, the pain rebounding through my skull moments later. The sheet that I had been holding slowly flutters down on top of me, as I lie there sprawled out on the ground, the red satin falling almost serenely to the ground.

"Owww…" I groan as I try to lift myself off the ground, only to become tangled in the sheet instead.

"You've got to be kidding!" I growl as I roll onto my stomach, the beat-up hardwood floor coming into view as I do so.

"You okay?" Kenzi calls out from above me before she stops for a second, and then bursts out laughing, the sound echoing through my roof almost like it's teasing me. I glare at the floor as I try to roll-over again, somehow getting myself even more tangled up in the sheet then before.

I swear that this thing is possessed by a snake-Underfae!

Note to self, ask Trick if there are any kinds of Fae or Underfae that can possess sheets.

"You alright down there Succubo?" Kenzi laughs as my bed squeaks, telling me that she's shifted somewhere near the edge where that one spring is.

"Peachy!" I mutter as I try to roll myself over again only for my legs to get tangled up in the sheets even more. Gah! I swear to god, favourite or not I will tear this thing apart if I can't find my way out of this in the next minute or two.

Just as I begin to contemplate the murder of my favourite sheets I hear Kenzi's laughter get closer to my ear as her black tights come into view as she kneels down next to me. "Tsk… how on Earth did you manage this?"

"I don't know… now will you help me to get myself out of this or should I start yelling for Tamsin?" I snap as I tilt my head up, wincing as the world around me begins to spin.

"No need for Tam-Tam. She's not here anyways, she's out somewhere with Dyson, I think they're investigating some robberies or something." Kenzi replies, the laughter in her voice gone as she beings to run her hands up and down my body.

"Are you helping me or groping me?" I joke when I feel her hands begin to press against my chest before they move lower, running along my sides.

"As attractive as you are honey you're still not my type." She fires back before the hand on my back stop, tugs once at the sheet, and then the tightness of the sheet wrapped around me suddenly just disappears. I sigh in relief as I turn over, coming face-to-face with a smirking Kenzi.

"What do we say?" She asks as she pushes herself up.

"Thank-you." I mumble as I grab the hand that she's offered to me, allowing her to pull me up. I smile at her before I reach out and pull her into a hug. She shrugs and wraps her arms around me in return.

"What's this all about huh?" She whispers, squeezing me once before loosening her griping on me. "Did something happen with Lauren or Dyson?"

"No… I just want to thank-you for being there for me, always." I say, looking down at Kenzi, taking in the fact that her hair is down, that she isn't wearing make-up, she's dressed only in pyjama pants and a shirt. She looks younger at these times then any other, and yet when I look at her now I see a hardness to her eyes that wasn't there before, her face is a little sharper then I remember it being.

She looks older.

She's _growing older_.

I still look the same as I did five years ago. I haven't aged a day.

Kenzi's grown so much since we meet for the first time. She's changed so much, gone is the sometimes selfish, impulsive, video game obsessed, wisecracking, and sometimes lost and confused teenager that I once knew and in her place is a caring, mature, protective selfless, intelligent and of course funny as ever young-woman.

For me? Well two-steps forward one-step back. I know now that I still have a lot more growing-up to do, and a lot to make up for, especially after everything that happened with my father. But if nothing else the whole battle for the fate of the world thing did teach me to be grateful for what I have, and that I _have_ to cherish the family that I've found for myself.

"Hey what's with that look huh Bo?" Kenzi asks, breaking my train of thoughts.

"Nothing, just thinking about stuff." I reply, a small smile tugging at my lips as I look at her. I'm so glad that I have her back, a world without Kenzi is… well it's a world that's very hard to live in.

"What kind of stuff?" She asks as she plops right back down onto my bed.

"About you, and about how much you've changed, how much you've grown since we first met. And about how much I've... well devolved I guess." I say as I flop down on the bed next to her. "I'm just starting to feel like me again, after two years of being me and not being me. It's weird and confusing, and I feel like I'm right back where I started, like I've just found out that I'm Fae all over again."

"Huh." Kenzi replies, but not saying anything else.

"I mean how am I supposed to rule the entire Fae world? How am I supposed to take care of everyone and everything, make sure that it all runs smoothly. I can barely run my life, let alone an entire world." I sigh, bringing my hand up to my forehead as I let out a groan. "I mean, I can't even get my life in order."

"You're life doesn't seem that out of order BoBo. We've been doing what we've always been doing, taking cases and helping people, helping the police. I mean the saving the world thing, that's new, as was the dying…" Kenzi trails off before she shakes her head and forces herself to smile at me again as she props herself up on her elbows. "My point is what about your life is out of order? You've finally found the answers about where you've come from, about who you are. I mean there's the whole queen thing but that's what a couple hundred years away?"

I nod and shrug. "I'm not running away from the queen thing Kenz. I'm done running from my destiny. At least by becoming queen, by ruling as _me_ and not as my darkness I can finally begin to change things. I can pull this world into the twenty-first century or well twenty-third or twenty-fourth by the time I start ruling." I shake my head. "My point is things need to change, whether the Fae think so or not."

"And until then? Until it's time for you to ascend the throne?" She prods me.

"I live my life, I try to find out who I'm meant to be, without all the prophecies, all of the other destiny bullshit. I'll probably just live my life, maybe travel…" I stop as the memory of the words I once spoke to Lauren resurfaces.

_I want to live. I want to travel the world, but I only want to do that with you._

"Or maybe I'll stay right here with you and with Trick and Tamsin." I murmur as one of my hands drifts to my chest grabbing at the pendant of the necklace that hangs there. _I want to live. I want to travel the world, but I only want to do that with you_.

_This is just a break right?_

Silence.

It's over.

I laugh bitterly.

"What's all that about huh?" Kenzi asks as she tilts her head towards me in concern.

"Nothing, just a memory, one that I didn't need or want to remember." I shake my head as I try to get rid of the memory.

"Your clutching at her necklace again." Kenzi reminds me gently. "What's going through that head of yours huh?"

"Just another memory. I told Lauren something similar just before she asked for a break, that's all." I say as I look around the room, slowly loosening my grip on the necklace. "It's not a big deal."

"Doesn't sound like not a big deal to me Bo. Why should she hold you back from traveling if that's what you want to do?" Kenzi questions.

I shake my head as I roll onto my side to face her. "It's more complicated then that, infinitely more complicated then that. God, the things I still don't know about her, after everything we've gone through together I don't even know something as simple as her favourite colour."

"She never told you?"

"I never thought to ask."

"Wow. What did you two-" I open my mouth about to respond when Kenzi begins to shake her head back and forth rapidly. "On second thought I think I already know the answer, I heard enough of you two together to last me a lifetime."

"It wasn't all that, sometimes we would talk, just talk for hours, about her science, my life before everything got crazy… but things go so complicated so quickly after the first little while that we never really got past that." I mumble, burying my head in my arms. "And I forgot to ask her something as stupid as her favourite colour, let alone where she wanted to go on vacation."

"You…" Kenzi trails off, as I tilt my head towards her I can see her eyes widen considerably. "You really wanted that relationship after all didn't you?"

"Of course I did!" I say, my arms moving towards my ears and then away for emphasis. "I love her. I wanted us to work, but I suck at relationships!"

"Now that you mention it you kind of do I guess."

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" I ask Kenzi as I look at her again.

"Right. You're an awesome girlfriend. How does that sound?" She asks, looking at me.

I groan as I role back onto my stomach. "Like a big fat lie. I know I suck at relationships. I know I don't know how to be a good girlfriend. I know that I barely know Lauren or Dyson, but… argh!"

"What's so complicated about it?" Kenzi begins. "With you and the Doc before everything went south, I hate to say this but feeding from Dyson was kind of a mistake wasn't it? You knew how she felt about him at the time. Where was I?"

"Me and Lo…-uren." I reply, look up at Kenzi as she begins to talk again.

"You two were fine, strong actually, really strong. It was sort of an us vs. the world kind of thing, but for you two it worked at least for a while. But when the world came-a-knockin' you kinda… crumbled and began to listen to what everyone else was saying." Kenzi says as she looks down at me. "I mean I get you were under a lot of pressure at the time, but you kinda…"

"Went crazy? Began to degenerate into a selfish bitch? Began to alienate everyone I love? Sell out my girlfriend? Not pay enough attention to her? Not love her enough? Put her last?" I sigh and shake my head as I bury it in my arms. "I know that Kenz I already know all of that. It doesn't take an idiot to realize it."

"You're not an idiot BoBo, dense as a brick at times, but not an idiot. At least not a complete one." Kenzi says as she absently pats my shoulder.

"Thanks Kenz, thank-you so much." I grumble.

"So what exactly are you planning on doing about your messed up love life?" She asks me bluntly.

"Nothing." I reply. "That's why I'm reading the book. I need to figure out how to be alone before I can be with anyone else. I just need a way to tell Lauren and Dyson, set them both free and give them a chance to move on, they both deserve that much."

"And like the saying goes if they both come back?" She asks as she lies down beside me, curling against me slightly.

"Then… I don't know what I'll do then. My feelings for Dyson are complicated and there's just so much baggage with Lauren, we still haven't even _talked_ about what our relationship is." I sigh, before wincing as Kenzi kicks me in shin with one of her sock covered feet. "Oww. Watch the feet please."

"Sorry 'bout that." Kenzi says as she rushes through the apology before she begins to talk again. "So your feelings for Dyson are complicated… meaning you're not in love with him anymore are you?"

"Like I said I don't know. I was so focused on getting you back, and Lauren helped me through all of that because Dyson was busy with Tamsin, and we were both crying messes for a week, and then we got you back and we went to Valhalla, I met my father and began to turn completely dark, and well after that…" I trail off, narrowing my eyes as I try to repress the memories of what came after. It was nothing I wanted to remember.

"It's complicated. There is one thing that confused me about all of that though. Of all of us Lauren was the only one who could bring you back." Kenzi says as she pauses. "I mean we thought that of all people it would be me, but it was her in the end."

"It was all of you." I reply. "All of your voices, all of the memories that we share that brought me back."

"But the Doc's voice was a little louder then the rest of ours wasn't it?" Kenzi asks before she adds. "And it was her kiss that revived you after you… you know."

"It seems to be a thing between the two of us." I mutter. "When we went into Dyson's memories to try and find a way to save him, something went wrong and Lauren had to come and pull me out. I nearly lost her that day, because humans aren't supposed to wear the string, but she brought me back, just like she always does, it's just that time I got to repay the favour."

"You never told me that before." Kenzi whispers.

I shrug. "I didn't see the point. I thought it was a fluke, but apparently the whole kiss thing works both ways."

"Indeed it does." She says in reply. "Indeed it does. This might just be me, but from the way you talk about her, barely thinking of Dyson, it sounds like you've already made you're choice."

I shake my head. "It's not a choice for me to make. I love her, but that doesn't change the fact that our relationship is infinitely complicated, that love isn't enough for us, that it takes so much more then I can understand to be in a relationship. I don't want to hurt her again."

"Don't you think that maybe the fact that you understand that might be enough?" She replies. I look up at Kenzi, as she continues. "You have to learn how to be in a relationship, there's no right way to go about it, you have to learn it just like you have to learn everything else, like you have to learn how to be you, and honestly Bo? At your worst you were more you with Lauren then you were with anyone else. Don't you think that it might be time to let Lauren teach you how to be in a relationship? That you let yourself learn?"

"I don't know." I reply shaking my head.

"What do you see in your future?"

"A throne, a lot of responsibility, a lot of bullshit ass kissing and politics, and god knows how much paperwork." I reply.

Kenzi looks at me again, her eyes boring into me. "I meant where do you see yourself before all of that. What do you want the closer future to look like?"

"The dawning showed me pregnant, it showed me coming home to Dyson. It showed me a house in the suburbs and a white-picket fence. It showed me the future that I've wanted since I was a kid." I reply, remembering the jumbled mass of confusion that had been the dawning at the meanings behind everything that I'd seen.

"It was Dyson that the dawning showed you?"

"It was Dyson's body… but it was Lauren's personality. Everything about it screamed Lauren. He was a doctor, he was talking and acting like Lauren does when she's excited, and he was geeking out. He wasn't Dyson, he was Lauren Kenz, how I pictured she might be if we ever managed to get pregnant." I murmur with a sad smile. "It was everything I wanted, it was the dream that I had made for _myself_."

"If Dyson hadn't been with you during the dawning do you think it might have been Lauren instead of him?" Kenzi asks me gently.

All I can do is shake my head in response. "I don't know. Maybe. Anything's possible in that confusing place. It doesn't really matter in the end, my father also interfered with my dawning, showed me things that shouldn't have been there. I just know I love her, and I have complicated feelings for him."

"Shouldn't love be enough then? With Hale…" Kenzi trails off as I reach out and pull her close to me, knowing that talking about him only brought back painful memories for her.

"You don't have to talk about him Kenz. It's okay. I'm sorry to drag up bad memories." I whisper into her hair as I hold her close to me, my heart aching at the thought of having caused her pain.

"I just want you to be happy. One of us deserves to be." Kenzi whispers, her hand coming up to clutch at the loose fabric of my shirt.

"And I've got millennia to find it. You don't have the unfortunate luxury of time I do." I murmur into her ear. "I will find happiness in time, don't worry about me. I'm more worried about you."

"You love her. You should tell her before something happens, before something can take her away." Kenzi says as she pulls away from me, she scoots back until she's sitting against one of the bedposts. She smiles at me through cloudy, tear-filled eyes. "I'll see him again. I know he's waiting for me up there, and when it's my time. My _actual_ time, he'll great me at the gates as Tamsin leads me through."

"Kenzi." I say, as I force myself up and into a sitting position as well.

"But until then, I'm here. I'm still your bestie and I say that you deserve to be happy, with the person that makes you happy. Human, Fae, hell Underfae if that's what makes you happy then I say go for it. But right now what makes you happiest, the person that makes you happiest is the person who makes you smile when no one else can, the person who you like at like they're the most precious thing in the world. It's the person whose necklace you wear." Kenzi's eyes are wide and alight with passion as she speaks, her voice is stronger then I can remember it being. I look her in the eye as she stops out of breath, a smile on her lips.

I look at her, and I look down as I grab the necklace that dangles from my neck, the one that I haven't taken off since I put it on. That night I wanted to have something of her with me when I went into battle, I wanted her close, and this was what I had. I smile as I look down at it, at the memory of the smile on Lauren's lips when she said the simple words "You wore it."

I clutch it, nodding to myself and smiling ruefully as I realize that this decision was made a long time ago, when I committed myself to her the first time. All this time and I guess some things really were out of my hands after all huh?

It's almost ironic.

I am in love with the strongest woman I've ever known, and perhaps the most extraordinary human I've ever met, aside from the one sitting next to me of course. Lauren also has her flaws, just like I have.

One thing I think that I do know about us and our relationship is that we both suck at communicating with each other; at least we suck at talking with each other, we can communicate so much through a glance, a touch, but sometimes that's not enough. I look over at Kenzi and smile as I shake my head.

"Thank-you Kenz, for helping to pull my head out of my ass." I say as I look over at the woman curled up against the bedpost.

"Hey happy to help. So now you gonna run off and talk to the doc?" She asks.

I shake my head. "Nope. There's still a lot more that I need to think over, and a lot more that I need to do. I can't hurt her again Kenz, and before I do anything else I need to talk with Dyson, it's not fair to keep stringing him along."

"When did you start thinking so much?" She jokes as she looks me over, before she crawls across the bed and begins to poke at me.

I laugh before replying. "Going dark, nearly dying, and being brought back to life can do wonders for contemplating your life. Plus there isn't much else to do when you're sitting locked in a jail cell to make sure that you don't go crazy again."

"So how much longer are you going to keep thinking about stuff?" Kenzi asks.

"I'm going to see if I can talk with Dyson tomorrow or the day after. I don't think this'll come as much of a surprise to be honest, plus I've seen the way he's been looking at Tamsin, hopefully this'll be the last push he needs to go after her." I begin before I notice the look of horror in Kenzi's eyes, which is quickly replaced by happiness.

"My little girl's all grown up!" Kenzi squeals.

"Hey!" I squeak out as Kenzi tackles me onto the bed. "Wait, who are you talking about?"

"Nevermind. You wanna go watch a horror movie marathon with me?" Kenzi asks as she crawls off of me and slides towards the end of the bed.

"That sounds good Kenz. Actually it sounds amazing. I'll go get the candy and you make the popcorn?"

"Yeah meet you in five?" She asks as she stands up.

"Yep." I reply, smiling at her as she leaves the room.

Thank-you Kenz, thank-you.

I smile down at the necklace resting in my palm one last time before standing up and beginning to make my way towards the door.


End file.
